Happy Easter / Resurrection Sunday to those observing the holiday, and to those still surviving Pesach (Passover), happy no-leavening remembrance to you too! OK, I’m suffering silently, but it’s not helping that Martha’s in the kitchen making hot crossed buns so good I want to reach into the tv and take them all!

Some of you may know that I’ve been bouncing back and forth between choosing a way of eating. Why didn’t I mention the dreaded “D” word? Because we know all about that. I want to talk about a way of eating — it may be high fiber / high protein, low carb, low fat, low calorie. Whatever your “diet” (which really should just describe what you shove into your yap. I shove lots of kosher, organic, and often high carb things into my trap. However, now I’m a little smarter about what I shove into my yap.) consists of, it’s a personal choice that only turns public when we socialize …but since food is also culture, it bears discussion here as well.

I have often wondered why I am so obsessive about personally curbing food in various ways. I’ve gone nuts over carbs, slashing and burning like an angry flame zipping through a forest. I’ve declared a war on sugar, cutting away sugary sodas. OK, so I’m proud of giving up my soda. Unfortunately, I haven’t really seen the results of that.

I drink 100% juice, even though it has lots of carbs, and I try to eat as much organic food as possible. That part doesn’t quite bother me.

But I can’t keep counting. I can’t keep counting calories, carbs, fat… I can limit my portions.
I can’t keep stressing that I only manage to get 25 minutes of cardio at the gym, while other women there can do an hour or more. I can only worry about myself.

I cannot believe how sick I’ve made myself…maybe not physically, but mentally. I feel terrible to admit this, but I also feel terrible if I didn’t mention it. I’d be doing all of you a great disservice. I’m not perfect, and never will be.

I’ve been silent here on DG for a while because of this. It’s odd, and embarassing to say on a public blog where THOUSANDS of you are viewing this every month, but there it is. I never realized how depressed this has made me until today. So in a way, I do apologize — I haven’t done my job. Writing this blog post just might help someone else.

We’re all smart, dynamic, amazing women. I was going to keep this private, but I wanted to share it with all of you. Thank you for listening.